Unqualified Candor

CHICAGO, IL, USA - You have to have 12 minutes to devote to this video, but invest the time - it is worth it to see and hear Keith Olbermann’s important and articulate rage.  I hope I never get on his bad side. 

CHICAGO, IL, USA - I’ll go ahead and admit it - I’m an avid Vanity Fair reader.  Great articles covering the gamut of topics and current events while also offering most current trends in art, architecture and culture.  It’s a little high-falutin’ and I am often put-off by the magazine’s dismissiveness of anything happening in the middle 30 states, but I read it anyway - mostly for their really excellent contributed articles.  When it arrives in the mail each month I disappear into a quiet room in my home and read it cover to cover.   I always start, however, from the back beginning with the very last page of the magazine which has always been reserved for the Proust Questionnaire as answered by a selected actor, politician, Nobel prize winner, distinguished scientist or singer. 

The Proust Questionnaire wasn’t written by the French writer Marcel Proust, but he did make it famous for answering the questionnaire several times during his lifetime.  I discovered through some simple research that Proust discovered the questionnaire in a magazine in his teens.   At the turn of the century it was apparently a fad to answer such a list of questions. 

The Proust Questionnaire seems to vary slightly depending on where you read it - although 90% of the questions seem to remain the same.  I, of course, favor the Vanity Fair version.   Over the years I’ve read dozens and dozens of answers from various takers published on the last page.   Today, I decided to take the questionnaire myself, for the first time.   Here goes:

What is your current state of mind?

A sense of urgency about everything.  Urgency to accomplish things I want to accomplish, urgency to do the right thing, urgency to be the person I’m supposed to be.  I feel like time is running out. 

What is your greatest fear?

That I won’t be as good a father as I want to be, as my child will need me to be.  

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

I think as a by-product of the life I’ve lived (so far), I’ve mastered manipulation to a certain extent.  I hate it, it’s an ability I wish I did not have.  I try very hard to keep it at bay.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Self-loathing.

Which living person to you most admire?

It’s a tie. My mom and my dad.  Because they have never given up on themselves.  Because they could have given up, many times, but they didn’t.  They are both fighters.  My dad has fought his own genetic curse of addiction.  He’s fought insecurity.  He’s fought for our relationship. He’s fought against his own childhood and the father that he had, in order to be a better one to me.  My mom has fought for independence, she’s fought for happiness, she’s fought for her faith, she’s fought for her beliefs.   My parents have faced enormous odds which could have been easily passed to me, but they fought them - so that I wouldn’t have to. 

Which living person to you most despise?

Fred Phelps.  There are many reasons to despise him - but I never did.  I grew up with this man.  He lived near me, his children lived around the corner from me.  I went to elementary school and high school with his grand-kids, and after school would see them standing on the sidewalk picketing, sickeningly.  He picketed my high school graduation, he picketed the homes of people I knew.  His flock, and their intensity, have increased over the years.  He’s despicable in every way, but I never ‘despised’ him until several years ago when I drove my niece to Topeka to see a musical at the high school I attended.  My niece was 7  and Fred Phelps had decided to picket the high school in front of the entrance to the auditorium, with his disgusting signs.  My niece, having mastered reading, could read the signs.  She read them.  ”Eric, what is a faggot?” she asked.  That’s why I despise him.

On what occasion do you lie?

When I panic.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

Well, E.J. of course.  He is the most kind, most compassionate and most caring person I have ever known.  He is saintly.  I do not know the source of his goodness, but I could be a billionaire may times over if I could bottle and sell it - and the world would be the place it is meant to be.

When and where were you happiest?

The year I spent in St. Petersburg, Russia - my junior year of college.   I found myself there.  It wasn’t necessarily easy, but I was happy and I have been happy ever since.

Which talent would you most like to have?

I want to be able to play the violin beautifully.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I would make myself unable to panic.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

I’ve traveled to 53 countries.  Its not a contribution I’ve made to the world, but it was a personal ambition and one I’ve been personally rewarded by - for the perspective and knowledge it has offered, I am a different person, a better person.

If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what do you think it would be?

A big wonderful happy mutt of a dog.

What is your favorite occupation? (Note: I’ve always taken this question to mean “a task with which one occupies one’s self” rather than limited to just a job occupation.)

Wandering aimlessly for hours in a foreign city that I’ve never visited. 

Who are your favorite writers?

Cormack McCarthy, J.D. Salinger, Thomas Merton, Stephen Ambrose, Robert Massie, Nikolai Gogol, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Yann Martel, John Irving

Who is your favorite hero from fiction?

Piscine Molitor Patel

Who are your heroes in real life?

I have a lot of heroes.  I don’t think heros have to lead extraordinary or perfect lives to be heroic.  My friend Jo Huseman is a hero to me.  She runs the Helen Hocker Theater in Topeka, Kansas - a place that gave me refuge and a place to belong when I desperately needed it.  My friend Matt Hall is a hero to me.  He is a United States Marine, he was in combat in Iraq on two tours.  He survived to come back and join the United States Diplomatic Corps.  My sisters are heroes to me.  They’re both strong, intelligent, caring women and amazing mothers. I could go on all day about heroes.  I’m constantly amazed by the heroic deeds people are capable of.

What are your favorite names?

Frances, Harry

What is your greatest regret?

That when I was unhappy, I intentionally made others unhappy.

How would you like to die?

Suddenly

What is your motto?

It’s a family motto from my mom’s side.  I’ve always liked it: “We never yield”

CHICAGO, IL, USA - This made me laugh out loud when I read it.  I don’t know who made it - but thanks, I needed a good laugh today.   It is meant to be the discarded and subsequently found and leaked ”secret memo” of the John McCain campaign regarding new slogans to use to combat what appears to be the presumptive Obama nomination.  McCain, desperate to market himself against the embodiment of “Change” and “Hope” has brainstormed the following ideas in hopes of finding those magic words that will inspire the voters.  So funny:

CHICAGO, IL, USA - I’m probably a little bit naive, a tiny bit aloof and a big spoonful of optimistic, but I’ve actually believed until recently that the events shaping the front pages of newspapers and filling the speeches made by politicians didn’t really affect me personally.  While I am a passionate observer of the political process and an ideological, opinionated voter, I have felt somehow outside of the major issues that face Americans.  I know, for example, that there is a housing crisis and that foreclosures are at a historic high.  But I don’t know anyone, personally that has faced foreclosure.  That doesn’t mean I haven’t been empathetic - but I haven’t had the personal/emotional connection to the issue. 

This weekend, I began to take inventory of the issues facing America and the world and thought quite a bit about how they affect me and the people I love - and I realized these issues hit a lot closer to home than I thought.

Gun Control:In my city - within a 10 mile radius of where I live, 20 Chicago Public School children have been killed in the past year.  In the same radius, in the past WEEK, 40 people have been shot, 12 of them fatally.  This is the community in which I plan to raise my own children.  This is the school district my kids will attend.

Housing Crisis: My brother-in-law, probably the hardest working person I know, works in the housing industry supplying materials for new home building.  The company he is working for, a family owned lumber company, was recently purchased and the purchaser, due to the market dynamics, is ending the direct-to-builder supply line that my brother-in-law runs, effectively terminating his job.

Iraq War:  My other brother-in-law is an Iraq War veteran, he spent an entire year in Baghdad during the second year of the war while my sister worked full-time, went to school part time and took care of their 2 year old.  The financial and emotional burden of that year still weighs on them, heavily.

Health Care: Insurance companies have begun to charge percentage based co-pays on some medications that treat incurable diseases - such as multiple sclerosis (MS).  MS drugs can cost up to $100,000 per year and co-pays have been consistent with other medications, at around $10 or $20.  Insurance companies are beginning to apply a 20% - 33% co-pay to these drugs, which means a possible $20,000 - $33,000  annual co-payment.

Gay Rights:An obvious one, E.J. and I would like to have the same rights as other couples regarding power of attorney in medical decisions, estate rights, adoption rights etc…  While we enjoy many of these rights because we live in Illinois, our ability to relocate to other parts of the country are limited because of reduced rights.  Even in Illinois, we’d like to see rights expanded.  Nationally, we’re concerned about the possibility of a Constitutional Amendment that would essentially use the tangible framework of our democracy as a means to discriminate (for those who wish to discriminate, there are plenty of other ways to do so without taking this shameful step).

Jobs Loss: As the economy worsens and more jobs move overseas, there seems to be a general level of anxiety about job security.  I discovered this week that one of my best friends has been laid off after her company’s business closed their doors.  In companies I’ve worked at, I’ve seen hundreds…thousands, of people laid off wondering if I’m next. My mother has been laid off, my sister too, and another good friend of mine has been laid off three times in six years from three different companies.

The Environment: Having lived in Southern China, I have seen the outcome of completely unregulated industrialization.  There were days that it actually hurt to breathe and the tops of buildings could not be seen, on a cloudless day.  I suspect that some day my exposure to that level of pollution will come back to haunt me. 

Terrorism:Terrorism isn’t a war, it’s an evil tactic.  I do think, however, that we’re the ideological enemy of groups and individuals who blame the United States for the sin, the poverty, the imbalance and the injustices in the world, and that these groups and individuals are capable of the worst that we can imagine.  Living in a large American city and traveling often internationally, I live with that concern.

Immigration: My brother-in-law, who served in Iraq, is an immigrant - having immigrated to the United States as a boy.  My nephews, therefore, are first generation Americans and the children of an immigrant to our country, which is now HIS country as much as it is anyone else.  My brother-in-law’s immigration was entirely legal due to his refugee status at the time.  Legal or illegal, we’re a compassionate country and our immigration laws should reflect that, with sensible policy not defined by hate and intolerance. My nephews are the personification, for me, of the greatness of our immigrant nation.  

American Diplomacy:  I’m of the opinion, and I think it is the majority opinion, that world’s belief in America’s core decency and values have been diminished in recent years through the practice of neoconservative foreign policies.  I travel abroad on a monthly basis and I feel the shift, I sense it and I hear it, directly, in conversations with my European or Asian peers who once admired the United States but who now question its ‘moral authority.’ 

Gas Prices: I’m only somewhat sympathetic to this issue.  I understand the larger economic consequences - that gas prices ultimately effect the price of everything that gets moved: food, manufactured goods, air travel…   But America’s inability to act on its “dependence on foreign oil” is frustrating.  With most of our major cities continuing to sprawl, most of them without truly effective public transport systems, most people buying fuel inefficient cars, and an electorate not serious enough about real change to demand it with their vote - I have a hard time with this one. 

Abortion: Like it or not, its the domestic issue of our time with no middle ground and no signs of compromise.  As a gay male, its easy to assume that the issue of abortion may never be of consequence to me.  Well, I’ll just say this.  I’m in the process of adopting a baby - a baby whose mother decided, while pregnant, that she could not raise that child herself.  Short of raising it herself, she had two choices.  I support her right to those two choices - but for the rest of my life I will be grateful for the one that she made.

Public Education: As the product of public education, the one-day parent of a publicly educated child and the uncle to six publicly educated children - public education is a mind-boggling mess.  It isn’t all bad.  There are great schools, great teachers and great curriculum.  Unfortunately, greatness isn’t offered to all kids, in all cities, in all parts of town.  Some kids get mediocre (or less) schools, teachers and curriculum.  The playing field still isn’t level.  I don’t have all the answers, but if we can put a man on the moon…

And the list goes on and on…  This isn’t a ‘platform’ and I’m making no attempt to solve the world’s problems and I know better than to reduce them to a few sentences each.  They’re complex, debatable and serious. Solutions are hard to come by.  My hope, though, in thinking through these was that I would begin to take ownership of these issues and instead of thinking about them ideologically, could put them into the context of my life and the lives of people I love, so that politics wouldn’t become a ’science’, or worse, a spectators sport.  

CHICAGO, IL, USA - KA 903 Beijing to Hong Kong - UA 755 Chicago to Seattle - UA 875 Seattle to Tokyo - JL 735 Tokyo to Hong Kong - UA 838 Tokyo to San Francisco - UA 501 San Francisco to San Diego - UA 881 Chicago to Tokyo - NW 011 Tokyo to Beijing - CX 416 Hong Kong to Seoul - NW 008 Seoul to Tokyo - UA 882 Tokyo to Chicago - UA 843 San Francisco to Chicago - UA 442 Seattle to Chicago - UA 876 Tokyo to Seattle - NW 12 Beijing to Tokyo - CA 118 Hong Kong to Beijing - NW 001 Tokyo to Hong Kong - UA 881 Chicago to Tokyo - AA 41 Paris to Chicago - AA 42 Chicago to Paris - UA 838 Tokyo to San Francisco - UA 884 Seoul to Tokyo - UA 883 Tokyo to Seoul - UA 881 Chicago to Tokyo - UA 906 San Francisco to Chicago - UA 892 Seoul to San Francisco - UA 883 Tokyo to Seoul - NW 012 Beijing to Tokyo - KA 990 Hong Kong to Beijing - CX 463 Taipei to Hong Kong - DL 1980 Atlanta to Chicago - DL 274 Lima to Atlanta - AM 18 Mexico City to Lima - AM 683 Chicago to Mexico City - UA 831 Chicago to San Francisco - UA 869 San Francisco to Hong Kong - UA 871 San Francisco to Taipei - UA 842 Chicago to San Francisco - UA 882 Tokyo to Chicago - UA 938 Chicago to London - KA 993 Beijing to Hong Kong - NW 002 Hong Kong to Los Angeles - NH 912 Tokyo to Hong Kong - NH 911 Hong Kong to Tokyo - UA 881 Chicago to Tokyo - UA 031 Frankfurt to Barcelona - UA 882 Taipei to Tokyo - NW 005 Portland to Tokyo - NW 001 Tokyo to Hong Kong

CHICAGO, IL, USA -  Brandon Timothy Mark Sweat (henceforth refered to simply as Brandon) was my freshman year college roommate.   We were paired up as roommates, by chance - we met the day we moved into the dorm on a hot August Austin, Texas day.  I walked into our room with my mom and Brandon and his entire family were already in the room unpacking him.  Brandon was from Houston.  Upon introducing myself to him and his family and telling them I was from Topeka, Kansas, his dad promptly played the ‘Wizard of Oz’ card, ”Well hey!  If you get homesick, all you’ve got to do is click your heals together!”  He was a great guy, Brandon’s dad, but I wasn’t in the mood after driving for two days from Topeka in the 102 degree heat in a car with no air conditioning. 

I almost immediately befriended Brandon - or I should say, he befriended me.  Brandon was incredibly outgoing - everyone’s friend.  Smart, athletic, handsome, energetic. Within a week he knew the names of every person in our dorm.  Our room was the center of activity because everyone wanted to be near Brandon.  I benefitted from that.  I was shy, but Brandon wouldn’t allow me to be.  He forced me to attend functions, forced me to go to parties, forced me to meet people (usually by dragging them to our room) and make friends.  He looked after me.  There are too many stories to tell, but Brandon was the closest I ever came to knowing an angel.  Everyone should have a Brandon in their life.

Brandon has always written poetry and for years he has shared it with me - something I’ve always been very honored by.   A lot of his poetry in college, like the one below, gave insight into what was hiding behind Brandon’s outwardly displayed giftedness.  After college Brandon suffered.  He does, however, in his words, “have [his] world back in place.”  I’m so happy for him, he’s in love and getting married May 31.

Falling Up On Lonely Times (by Brandon T.M. Sweat)

Ever spelled the devil backwards

standing in the full moon light,

just wondering where the night wind

might take you.

 

Strange worlds of reality trickle down

like an alien rain upon a dirt road

called earth, causing traffic accidents

before willful stares; where unsympathetic

hearts crumble to pieces in the being

of one too many chances

 

In this realm of shadow souled

take on wings of fate in hopes

to catch fortune of guard upon

darkened starry skies

 

Down on yearning knees digging

into natures own,

possession is lost in longing

for the light of truth to come

force ever blinding tears

to rest in peace with fired grace

 

Hair grown long to hide breathless

thoughts shattering glass horizons

dwelling in distant eyes, as life gasps

for death once again in secret.

 

Eternal circles of falling rain,

illuminating in the radiance of sight,

pour down from heaven

to quench the passions of my

melted soul, as I wait without time

alone

 

In silence,

the key to eternity

CHICAGO, IL, USA - I love the televised Presidential debates. Regardless of who’s debating and regardless of who I am rooting for, I love watching them. I’m a sentimentally patriotic guy - I think the debates are great symbols of our democracy. The debates are not perfect - despite their tendency to turn into scripted sound-byte-fests, they often show the candidates at their most exposed and vulnerable, standing side-by-side, and I think that makes for some of the most interesting discussion on important topics of policy. And to any candidate who participates in a live debate on television in front of the entire country, they earn my great respect just for doing so - regardless of ideology, party or otherwise.

Tonight, ABC News hosted the 20th (and most likely last) Democratic Primary debate. They failed miserably. It was a 2 hour debate, with commercials, and it was not until 63 minutes into the debate that a question of policy was asked of either candidate. The entire first hour was dedicated to tabloid-style questions of both candidates - most of which have been exhaustively vetted in the media over weeks and months. Less than half of the debate was focused on policy - and thusly topics like the environment, Afghanistan, border security, immigration and others were not discussed. Some might argue that policy topics have already been adeqauately covered in the previous 19 debates. But tonight’s debate was for the voters of Pennsylvania, North Carolina and Indiana who have yet to vote and who deserve to have these topics covered in the debate that precedes their primary elections.

I am not alone - the other news networks, pundits, political bloggers and citizen bloggers have resoundingly and deservedly chastised ABC for this debate.

For my part, I’ve written the following people at ABC News the e-mail that follows:

Cristi Landes Manager, Programming cristi.d.landes@abc.com

Wayne Fisk Director, Programming wayne.fisk@abc.com

Jeff Fitzgerald Executive Director, Operations jeffrey.t.fitzgerald@abc.com

Heidi Oringer Executive Dir, Entertainment heidi.b.oringer@abc.com

Jon Newman News Coverage jonathan.m.newman@abc.com

Joyce Alcantara Assignment Manager joyce.a.alcantara@abc.com

Jim Kane Deputy D.C. Bureau Chief james.f.kane@abc.com

Andrew Kalb Executive Director, Programming andrew.l.kalb@abc.com

Robert Garcia Executive Director, News & Sports robert.garcia@abc.com

Peter Salinger Director, Special Events & Sports peter.salinger@abc.com

Steve Jones Vice President ABC NEWS RADIO steve.jones@abc.com

Dear ABC News,

I’m going to assume that the ABC News room is filled with highly intelligent people and gifted journalists. With that in mind - if you can separate yourself from the natural loyalty you must feel toward your employer, your programming and your work, which is typically top notch - with all that in mind, can you admit that the debate tonight was an embarrassment and patronized your viewers? Can you admit that it assumed the worst of Americans - who in these difficult times are faced with an important decision - that as we sat down in our living rooms tonight to hear Clinton and Obama debate, wanting to have ABC News represent our concerns with thoughtful questions, that it consisted instead, primarily, of topics of no consequence to our lives, our families, our communities, our country or our world? Can you admit that you’ve robbed us of an opportunity to hear two highly intelligent, dedicated, patriotic individuals have an actual debate about the issues facing the United States? Can you admit that for the first hour-plus, you made your audience sit through topics covering the worst of American political discourse? Can you admit that?

I expect the debate to give candidates an opportunity to clear the air or needle one another about the political tit-for-tat that has happened between debates. Bosnia, bitterness etc.. I reasonably expect that to be 10% - 15% of the debate. But the integrity of televised Presidential debate, in tonight’s case, was called into serious question as it became less about issues which matter to Americans and more about political gaffes, errors and associations which have no bearing on serious issues.

I know, I know - you’ll say, “…but these are questions that are important to the American people, that get to the issue of character and trustworthiness…” I would have to disagree with you there. I think this argument is insulting to Americans - who I believe have bigger things on their minds and can find better ways to assess the trustworthiness and character of these candidates. An intelligent - an important - Presidential debate, one that is meaningful and one that is responsibly executed by its moderator and host, should allow this very unique opportunity, to see two candidates, standing side-by-side, to debate issues that are of consequence to our lives, our communities and our country.

I am from Illinois and so I voted in my state’s primary on Super Tuesday - I am no longer weighing the decision between these two candidates - like most of the population, my vote has been cast. Instead, I tuned in to hear how these candidates - regardless of which will be the Democratic Party candidate - would propose to deal with the problems facing our country. I crave ideas, I crave details, I crave solutions - and our democratic process gives almost no better opportunity to get to the heart of ideas, details, solutions, in a mass-communicative way, than televised Presidential debates. We’re busy, we’re working, we’re going to school, we’re raising kids, we’re lucky if we have time to read the paper in the morning or catch the news after work - we look to these debates for substance, its our chance to get caught up and to weigh these important issues. You’ve failed miserably in administering a meaningful debate. You’ve taken the very serious responsibility of hosting a Presidential debate, and delivered something that mocks the American political process and succumbs to its worst elements and by-products. You owe an apology to the people of Pennsylvania, North Carolina and Indiana that this is their last opportunity to hear these candidates debate before they make their important decision.

Sincerely,

Eric Schneider

UPDATE - The Morning After: It’s the day after the debate and ABC News has over 17,000 comments on their web-site criticizing the debate. Also, 24 hours later the media, itself, is taking aim at ABC News - here is a sampling:

From Tom Shales of the Washington Post:

“another step downward for network news — in particular ABC News, which hosted the debate from Philadelphia and whose usually dependable anchors, Charlie Gibson and George Stephanopoulos, turned in shoddy, despicable performances.” Shales added that the debate “dwelled entirely on specious and gossipy trivia”

From John Nichols of The Nation:

“This was an ugly, unilluminating debate that neglected meaningful concerns because so much time was spent introducing what had been the silly side issues of the far right to the mainstream discourse.”

From Andrew Sullivan of The Atlantic:

“The loser was ABC News: one of the worst media performances I can remember - petty, shallow, process-obsessed, trivial where substantive, and utterly divorced from the actual issues that Americans want to talk about.”

From the Los Angeles Times:

“Not until 50 minutes in was a policy issue — Iraq — asked about by the moderators. More than an hour went by before a question was asked about what Stephanopoulos called “the No. 1 issue on Americans’ minds” — the economy.”

From Will Bunch of Philadelphia Daily News:

In an open letter to ABC’s Gibson and Stephanopoulos “By so badly botching arguably the most critical debate of such an important election, in a time of both war and economic misery, you disgraced the American voters, and in fact even disgraced democracy itself,”

From Bob Cavnar of Houston Chronical:

“The whole thing was silly.  Nothing of substance was talked about, Obama was off his game trying to fend off stupid gotcha questions while Hillary beamed at the onslaught by her personal Clintonista asking the planted question from Sean Hannity.  What a waste of air time. And a low point for ABC.”

From Michael Grunwald of Time Magazine:

“This makes for extremely stupid politics, where substance is only relevant to catch politicians in flip-flops or mistakes. Last night, for example, Gibson tried to nail Obama over capital gains taxes, revealing only his own misunderstanding of the difference between correlation and causation. For all the back-and-forth over a crazy Weatherman he once served with on a board, Obama never got to tell voters that he opposed the war in Iraq from the start. For all the back-and-forth over her Tuzla goof — Obama stayed out of it, although he acknowledged that his campaign aides addressed it when asked — Clinton never got to mention anything she’s done in the Senate. And the only real constitutional issue that got discussed was the right to bear arms.” 

From Jon Stewart of The Daily Show:

“A 60 minute master class in questions that elevate out of context remarks and trivial, insipid miscues into subjects of national discourse,” Stewart said, and then added, “which is my job. Stop doing my job!”

CHICAGO, IL, USA - When I was in the 5th Grade I decided I wanted to join the band, I wanted to play the saxophone.  My parents reluctantly agreed and my dad took me to Midwestern Music in Topeka and got me a shiny new saxophone.  I was thrilled.  I began attending band practice at my school and learning the instrument. 

It turned out, and I realized relatively quickly, that I hated playing the saxophone.   I could read music just fine, I could match up them music with the notes, but I wasn’t at all inspired by the instrument or the Whitson Elementary School band.  I didn’t want to continue learning, but I also didn’t want to drop out of the band.  There was a certain social status of being in the band, carrying your instrument to school and a couple times a week you got out of class to go to band practice.  I need all the help I could get to be cool, and being in the band was showing minor gains. 

I continued going but I sort of stopped learning.  It was well known among the saxophonists in the band, which was made up of all the cool guys in my class, that I was not actually playing.  I was filling my mouth with air so as to puff up my cheeks and I was moving my fingers on the saxophone keys, but no sound was coming out.  I was literally going through the motions.  Even though my fellow saxophonists knew, they didn’t seem to care and didn’t rat me out.  I think they just thought I was weird and not even worth the trouble of tattling. Or they had some pity on me, which would have been rare for 5th graders. 

So although I wasn’t really learning, or really playing, or really into the saxophone at all.  I was still caught off guard one day when someone in the band, a flutist, pointed out that my saxophone looked different than the other guys’ saxophones.  I hadn’t noticed until that moment, but it was true.  My saxophone was pretty - but it was all golden.  All the pipes and metal work was golden.  My saxophonist colleagues had golden saxophones, but all their little tubies and pipes were a silver accent color and their keys were mother-of-pearl.  Obviously theirs were better.  I noticed that they all got theirs from Hume Music in Topeka, which was on the West side of town (the better side) and mine had come from Midwestern Music on the North side of town (the not-so-good side). 

That night I decided I was going to have to initiate ‘Operation: New Saxophone.’   If I was going to stay in band, going to keep pretending to play the saxophone, I was going to have to have a better saxophone to pretend to play.  I had to have the same one as the other guys. 

I couldn’t tell my parents that I needed a new saxophone just because mine didn’t have the silvery accent color on the tubies and pipes.  I couldn’t convince them that a Hume Music saxophone was better than a Midwestern Music saxophone just…because.  They just wouldn’t fall for that.  I had to have a better reason.  I decided that I would have to tell my parents that my saxophone was defective - that it simply did not WORK as well as some of the OTHER saxophones that the other guys had, and that as a result I was falling behind my peers in my saxophone learning ability.

I sat in my room preparing for the discussion.  I decided I had to rehearse - so I played the role of myself and also took on the role of my mom and acted out how I thought the discussion might go.  I sat facing a wall in my room, saxophone in hand, and actually had the conversation out-loud.   Here’s how it went:

Me: Mom, there is something I need to talk to you about . . . it’s my saxophone.

Me as Mom: Sure Eric, what’s going on?

Me: Well mom, it’s just that, well, my saxophone just doesn’t seem to work as well as the one the other guys have.

Me as Mom:  Well, whuuuusa matter with it?

Me: Well, it just…it just….doesnt work as well.  The sound isn’t as clear.  The band teacher says mine doesn’t sound as good.

Me as Mom: Well, whuuuusa matter with it?

Me: Well, I’m not sure what’s the matter with it - maybe it’s defective, or maybe it’s just not a very good saxophone, but I think I should get one from Hume Music.

Me as Mom:  Well, I don’t understand….whuuuusa matter with it?

< at this point, I’m getting frustrated by my mom’s continued inability to understand the situation - even though I’ve made up her replies entirely in my mind - she just doesn’t get it, and she’s going to keep asking “whuuuusa matter with it?” until she breaks me down and forces me to admit that I’m just jealous of the other guys’ saxophones —- this entire conversation concocted for one purpose, to prepare myself for the worst of what my mom might have to offer in response to my pleas for a new saxophone >

I carried on my imaginary preparatory conversation:

Me: MOM!  IT JUST DOESN’T WORK - I WANT A NEW ONE!

Me as Mom:  Well….I’m sorry Eric, I just dont’ understand…whuuuusa matter with it!?

At that moment, I heard something.  I whipped around and scanned my room.  At first glance, I didn’t see anything - but then I saw it.  There was a foot and part of a butt visible from behind my bed, close to the doorway to my room.   I had thought the rest of my family was downstairs, but someone had infiltrated my bedroom and had been spying on me.  It could only be one of two people - my sister Emily trying to scare me, or the biggest snoop of them all, my mom. 

A snicker and muffled chuckle followed by full laughter revealed the intruder.  It was my mom.  Known for her snooping ways and indifference to her kids’ privacy.   She emerged from behind the bed.  She had sneaked up the stairs and on hands and knees crawled into my bedroom, hiding behind my bed, in order to (as she claims) listen to me practice my saxophone.  Instead, she stumbled upon my practice conversation for the great saxophone debate to be had later that evening.  She burst into laughter at the end of my practice conversation (laughing AT me, not WITH me) amused by how I represented her in the conversation and maybe a little offended that  in my version, all she could say is, “Well, whuuuuusa matter with it?” 

I was as embarrassed as I have ever been to have been caught dialoguing with myself.  The topic of the new saxophone and my preparations for the conversation were as serious a subject as my 5th grade world could have imagined, and my mom was laughing at me.   I told her to “GET OUT - GET OUT OF MY ROOM - THAT IS SOOO RUDE - YOU ARE SUCH A SNOOP (she is)!”   She left, probably feeling a little bit bad and embarrassed for me, but also laughing her way down the stairs. 

Following this episode, we never actually had the saxophone discussion.  I had my pride.  I wasn’t going to actually go through with  the conversation after such humiliation.  I stuck with my Midwestern Music saxophone and a few weeks later told my parents I was quitting the band.  They let it go without much of a fight or lecture about sticking with things - I think my mom still felt a little guilty. 

My mom, like her father before her, has a way of taking a very embarrassing moment from your life, and never letting you forget it, using it as fodder for laughs for the rest of your life.  Although the saxophone became a relic of the past - the eavesdropped conversation with myself became material for teasing me that has lasted into my 30’s - and something I entirely expect her to say on her deathbed.  To this day when I’m feeling at all embarrassed about something, or trying to explain something with difficulty to my mom, she’ll stop me and ask, “Well, whuuuuusa matter with it?” 

CHICAGO, IL, USA - I live in a beautiful building designed by Mies van der Rohe.  I’m what some might call a design snob.   I’m very proud to live in my Mies buidling.  Not everyone that casts their gaze upon my building sees the beauty that I see.  It’s certainly a case of beauty being in the eye of the beholder.   I have a hard time accepting other peoples’ indifference to architecture - probably as much as some people have a hard time accepting my snobbery and interest in it.  When my father and his wife visited recently, she said, “Well, I love the inside of your condo, but I’m not a fan of the outside.”  Stab me in the heart.

Ludwig Mies van der Rohe was a German-born architect and furniture designer.  He is known for having been one of the pioneers of modern architecture.  Specifically he is credited with the ‘glass curtain’ concept - that a buidling’s supporting frame does not have to be an exo-skeleton, that instead the supporting frames can be primarily in-set, with multiple internal pillars, leaving the building’s exterior walls free for more windows - floor to ceiling, wall to wall.   If you look at buildings built before 1950, they are primarily stone, brick or steel buildings with a great deal of ornamentation on the exterior with windows set amongst the brick or stone work.  In the 1950’s Mies van der Rohe designed the first buildings that appeared entirely of glass on the exterior.  Today it is commonplace, but if you could imagine my apartment buidling in 1957 set amongst a neighborhood of brick and stone buildings, it must have looked so completley ultra-modern. 

Mies van der Rohe designed, among other famous buidlings; the Seagram’s Building in New York City, IBM Plaza in Chicago and is famous for one piece of iconic furnitre - the Barcelona chair.  He immigrated to the United States and to Chicago to serve on the architecture faculty and as dean at the Illinois Insistitute of Technology, whose campus is now primarily made up of Mies van der Rohe buildings.  When I first moved to Chicago I was also working in a Mies buidling at the South end of Michigan Avenue.  Each morning I would ride the bus from one Mies to the other - enjoying, both at home and at work, the beautiful simple lines and vast views offered by the huge windows.  That was actually the very best thing about working at Motorola.

Today I live and work from our condo.  The views from our windows look West, North and East from the 22nd floor as far as the eye can see.  East is Lake Michigan and in the winter we look down on the icy tundra created by its freezing - the snow whips across its surface.  In the Summer its filled to the brim with boats of every kind - we live between two of the largest marinas in the city - and the lakefront is packed with people celebrating the sun in various ways.  To the West is the upper Great Plains.  Some days I think we can see to Iowa because the horizon is so flat and seems so far.  

Someday I suspect we’ll move from our Mies home - for more space, or a yard . . . or Paris.   Until then I’m going to enjoy every minute of living in such a splendid building.  Thanks Mies van der Rohe.

CHICAGO, IL, USA - It’s April. That means springtime in Chicago - we defrost and wait for the parks and trees to bloom and foot traffic along the lakefront to increase with volleyballers, joggers, and other outdoor activities. It also means that the end of the school year is near. Kids begin to get Spring-fever, knowing only weeks stand between them and the freedom of summer. In Chicago, however, the end of this academic year means something else - a frightening record. To date, 23 Chicago public school children have been murdered. Most by guns - though the most recent having been beaten to death with a baseball bat. Earlier in the year, one 16 year old was shot to death on a public city bus. One was 10 years old, walking home, caught in the cross fire of gang violence. Another was shot dead on the front steps of his South-side high school just as school let out, with dozens of classmates standing nearby.

This ever-increasing metric is a tragedy for Chicago and for the United States - but I don’t hear it being discussed by Republicans or Democrats with any substantive effort. Shouldn’t it be a matter of national attention that we have urban neighborhoods too dangerous to drive through and that in these neighborhoods we have children trapped, unable to walk outside for fear of being shot to death? Shouldn’t that be part of the conversation - along with health insurance, Iraq and Hillary Clinton’s tax returns? I think it should.

I live a mere 8 miles from a neighborhood that I would not drive through at night and would not walk through in daylight because of the increased chance that I might be murdered. I have the choice not to go there. Children live in that neighborhood - without choice in the matter. Asked to stand on the corner and wait for a bus, asked to go about their lives - playing in their yard, attending school - they do so at great risk and usually aware that people in their community die, violently, often and suddenly at the hands of people in their own community who murder for no apparent reason except, usually, because of revenge for a previous crime or because of loyalty to a gang whose primary purpose is to manufacturer violence.

On the news we see Google Earth images of Baghdad - we know where the Green Zone is and we know the southern part of the city known as the “Triangle of Death.” Although most news-viewing Americans sit shocked and conflicted as our nation’s armed forces battle against insurgencies in these far away neighborhoods, we don’t seem nearly as appalled that in our own cities, we have Triangles of Death where gun violence and our own form of sectarian violence - gangs - breed violence, fear and murder and recruit younger and younger members for its corps.

Maybe we’ve just given up, as a nation - or even in the case of Chicago, as a city. Perhaps our cumulative psyche is just too numb to it now and simply accepts it as the way things are and the way things will always be. Perhaps my neighbors are comfortable living mere miles from a zone of violence and poverty where children are being murdered and are provided few, if any, alternatives to gang membership. Perhaps we’re in a prolonged era of selfishness and the issues that we will devote ourselves to are only those for which we can personally gain. Certainly issues abound that need the attention of society and social scientists and policy makers - and we have to prioritize. But my faith in America has always lead me to believe that the safety and protection of children was at the top of our shared values ladder. I’m sad to discover that this may only be true of children belonging to people who vote and that safety and protection of children is not an equal opportunity issue.

I am certain that our country and even my community has the ingenuity and resources to find solutions to this problem. I’m certain that we can find a way to keep kids safe and to provide alternatives to gang membership - if we want to and if we try. What I am, unfortunately, not certain of is that we have the will. And where there is not a will, there is not a way.