Unqualified Candor

CHICAGO, IL, USA - Just minutes ago my niece, Alex, walked out my front door on her way to the airport to head back to Kansas City after a long weekend visit in Chicago.  We had such a nice time.

Alex is 13 and headed into the 8th grade.  All the while she was here, I kept imagining myself at 13 and heading into 8th grade.  I didn’t have half of the confidence she has now.  She amazes me.  I typically think of those years as being harder on girls than they are on boys and that confidence is thusly harder to come by.  Perhaps I’m wrong about that, that its no more or less hard depending on whether your a boy or girl - but either way, it doesn’t seem to have a bearing on Alex because she is very confident.  I’m certain she has all the insecurities which are normal for a 13 year old, but she is amazingly comfortable with herself, she is happy, she is thoughtful and she is unique.

All of the credit goes to her parents - my sister and her husband.  They love her so much, and she knows it.  They’ve created a stable, supportive, loving environment - and I think with that foundation a kid can really focus on figuring out who they are as they head into the teen years.  I used to worry about Alex - not for any reason except that worry comes naturally to me.  I would worry that she wouldn’t develop the kind of confidence she has, ultimately, developed.  But after this weekend I’ve discovered all that worry was wasted energy.  She is confidently 13.

I’ll just say it - Alex wears shoes that I will never understand.  Yes, its because I’m getting old, and its because I never took fashion risks at 13 - preferring to fly under the radar as much as possible by being as mainstream as I could.   Alex on the other hand, confidently wears shoes that draw attention.  I know, they’re just shoes, right?  But at 13, I would have done whatever was required to NOT draw attention to myself.  For Alex, it’s not at all about drawing attention - but she’s also not willing to make choices solely based on fitting in, she’s willing to make a statement and she’s confident enough to get away with it.  To be honest, I envy her for that.

If I recall correctly, 8th grade through 12th grade are pretty pivotal years.  After they’re over they don’t seem as important, but while you’re in them they seem like everything there ever was or will be.  As Alex has begun to journey into those defining years, confidence ranks high among the things I wish for her, but also I hope these years bring an intellectual curiosity, a sense of adventure, passion for something she wants to become very good at and a thirst for knowledge.  I think confidence is the foundation for all these things - and so, she’s very clearly on track. Above all, I hope she’s happy.  She certainly seems to be - she seems filled with joy, laughter and abundant love.  Who could ask for more?