Unqualified Candor

CHICAGO, IL, USA - My mom sent me an e-mail today and signed-off by saying that she decided to share these thoughts with me since she doesn’t have a blog to write them on.  I decided to make her a guest blogger, and post her comments (I hope she won’t mind). I thought they were nice thoughts,  stream of consciousness.

Everything in parentheses are my comments to provide some background context to what she’s talking about. There are a couple things in there that didn’t make sense to me (like - what do the Olympics have to do with anything?) - but I think she was writing in an unedited way, which I enjoy.  For the most part, this e-mail is representative of the way my mom relates to me. She shares her journey with me, something I’ve always been grateful for. She cares enough to share the way that she copes, the way that she makes order out of chaos, the way she struggles with faith, the way that she insists on joy - despite odds sometimes being against it. She’s a pretty neat lady, my mom.

Again, things in parentheses are my contents, for info:

Eric,

I was walking this morning with Annie (her dog), and I was kinda praying for a sign that I had done the right thing (she quit her job), and I looked up and the only thing in my view was this cross on a banner at a church, and the sun was shining through the banner, and it was very bright. Whatever reason it was there, it inspired me and kind of awed me. (she’s not a religious nut - but certainly a faithful person)

I’m doing very good. I realize what that job meant to me, and with the Olympics looming, well that place should just soar to new heights, and oh …… (no idea what this sentence means) But I think I realize AGAIN, that we are not in charge. We certainly have a free will, but at different times in our life, no matter how hard we try we cannot make what we want to happen…happen. For a person who thinks anything is possible, and we can do anything….that’s a hard concept. But at those times, when I stop fighting it and decide to have this thing called faith, then I have relief. I stop and pray for enlightenment or guidance about what and why God’s will is, when supposedly bad things happen. I imagine you have gone through similar thinking during difficult times in your life and now with your harrowing experience and your convalescence (she’s talking about a recent medical emergency that I had - blood clot in my leg) of which you have no control over. If there are no accidents, no coincidences. If we’re supposed to figure out the meaning of life…..then what are we supposed to learn with these things?

On the other hand…it’s all based on faith, and maybe there is nothing else, and it is all an accident, and when bad things happen, they just happen. I don’t think so, but I can have respect for that thinking. Faith might just be a comforting illusion in this tough world. (it might be, but I know she doesn’t actually think that it is an illusion, and neither do I…)

Good News/Bad News…..who knows? My favorite Chinese Proverb (I’d never heard this proverb - I did some research. It is a proverb, but can’t find any indication that it’s Chinese). Some thing good does always seem to come from something bad in my experience.

I should not be allowed to think deeply for too awfully long However I am enjoying having the time to do so. It’s like a spiritual gift or something.

I have a busy day…..Hope you have a happy day Eric. One thing I’m sure of is that we are blessed to have our loving family and friends. (she’s right about that!)

Mom